The Advantages of Going Through Menopause ©

The Advantages of Going Through Menopause ©

Benefit 1:

I can blame everything on menopause, from memory lapses to a bad temper ... “Yes, Officer, I did forget to indicate while turning that corner and ... look are you just going to stand there and lecture me you great lump of .... hang on, what was I talking about?”

Benefit 2:

Another benefit of “the Change” is that your skin begins to mellow and you hardly ever get pimples. I won't mention the fact that your skin may being to resemble dry sandpaper, which I suppose could come in handy if your thinking about doing up the spare room.

Benefit 3:You can finally convince yourself that at last you have grown up and are now a real woman ... in fact, you've become a superhero. Yes, you've become Batwoman you realise, as you look at the wobbly flesh that hangs down underneath your upper arms.    

Benefit 4:
All of the jewellery and clothing you wore in your hey-day are now having a resurgence and you could make a small fortune selling them on EBay. The downside of this is that you may decide to keep them yourself in the misguided belief that you will still look hot in them.

Benefit 5:
Another positive thing about going through menopause is that when you're having a good hair day, you should focus on the fact that this the best you're going to look for the rest of your life, so you can stop being so critical and appreciate that you do in fact, look quite presentable.

Benefit 6:Nobody is ever going to mistake you for a super-model at your age, so you can finally stop worrying about the lumpy, wrinkly, saggy overweight bits, that really don't matter anyway.

Benefit 7:There may come a day when science can utilise the hot flushes raging through your body and you could end up being able to plug into the electricity network and power a small town. At least you could tell your grandkids that you're willing to do your bit for the environment.

Benefit 8:If you ever need to hide out or go incognito for a while, you can simply allow all of your excess facial hair to grow unhindered, and people will assume you are a little hairy man on holidays .... or an escaped monkey.   

Benefit 9:

And finally, a positive side-effect of going through “the Change” is that on cold winter mornings, your family can come and warm their hands by the heat emanating from the glow of your face. ©